I swallow mayonnaise, the sumptuous spread,
all slathered on a piece of ancient bread.
The quiet afternoon is restless still
and pricks my skin, thus urging me to quill.
But nothing comes to mind and nothing will
as blank stares greet me from the window sill.
Sad empty promises all sing above,
for things to do are things to never love.
And schedules and timetables fly by
and drift away, forlorn by desperate sighs.
I relish reading facts on calories
that say that fat is actually good for me.
And so I eat my mayonnaise and bread
while reminiscing of my future dread.
Nice! I like it how it's kinda the same subject, but written very differently. But you know,you could just write a sonnet on mayonnaise and bread. Example: (Warning: you may choose to skip this for it is horrible in many places and it must be torture to those professional writers who actually know how to write a sonnet)
ReplyDeleteI grab a spoon and dip it in the jar.
I scooped out a huge scoopful, and shook it.
The jelly-like paste does not like Newton.
I shake, I throw, I smash, I plead; no good.
Then, reluctantly, I use my finger.
With the plain, silver piece free, it lightens.
It celebrates, and soon gets back to work.
The spoon spread the rubbery mayonnaise.
The bread was annoyed to have visitors.
It was even more so when I ate it.
I like! (Mike laughs deviously for infecting Alice...muahahahaaaaaa)
ReplyDeleteSo um, you're sort of missing four lines lol (I always did that at first; my second one had four more lines added later)! But that's ok, it's an Alicean sonnet :) I love the first line, but generally the pulse is da-DUHM da -DUHM throughout, so some of it clunked in my mind after thinking so long in iambic pentamter, but good job with the syllable count in each line! It's hard to keep it going. Might want to have a rhyme scheme within every four lines too (generally for fourteen lines in the Shakespearean style, at the end, the rhyme goes a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g)! The last two lines should rhyme (that's the g-g part).
Wow, I'm so critical!! But I learnt how to write a sonnet from my Grade 8 English teacher, and then researched off Wikipedia, so my sources are rather sketchy...
NOOO! It's contagious!
ReplyDeleteand no, you're not strict, just full of advice!
yeah, it does seem very awkward. I could come up with the other four lines now, but I can't think of anything, really. what do you think about the last two lines?
It's funny, but the last two lines have to rhyme at the end and the emphasis has to be on every other syllable. Here's how the last two lines would sound if every other syllable were accented:
ReplyDelete"The BREAD was A-nnoyed TO VIS-i-TORS.
It WAS ev-EN more SO when I ate IT."
Sounds a little unnatural, right? But with some tweaking it will be OK. It takes a lot of practise to get everything write (pun intended)! Every other syllable must be accented and the rhyme schemes should be followed...that's what makes a sonnet so challengingly fun!
ahaha.That's write!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. Me and my bad puns.
ReplyDelete