The dying afternoon, diaphanous –
how young October smiled upon my cheek!
Then through a stretch of sun-filled oxygen
your voice and eyes called blithely out to me!
We walked, our eyes upon the skyward seas,
our eyes delirious with shifting skies
as clouds subsided to obscurity
in grandiose swashes, gold and pastel dyed.
I could have stayed forever at your side,
evaporated honey everywhere;
but as our paths diverged in weary light
I drowned into intoxicating air.
I paused – in step – exultant, yet forlorn
and as the leaves spun round, I stood
- transformed!
You've deployed the Latinate (and with "diaphanous," the Greek) words quite nicely in this sonnet; there's a nice interplay here between the polysyllables and the simpler words. Nothing abrupts the rhythm. And quite apart from questions of technique, the poem is really quite beautiful, like D. G. Rossetti in some places. (There's something ineffably lovely about that evaporated honey.) All this is by way of saying: Well done!
ReplyDeleteAnd may I wish you and yours a happy New Year?
Thank you once again for your insightful and eloquent comments, Dylan! They really make my day. This moment in time was truly both complex and simple to me, and I love to explore words and word combinations...there's something about seemingly unimportant smaller words that seem to draw out a freshness in the polysyllabic ones. And compared to Rossetti! What an honour! Thank you! :0
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you and yours!